i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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