I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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