erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
