My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize