i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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