I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Is it penis luge time yet?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
