dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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