Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
