My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
