dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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