Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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