i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
