I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
