You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
