i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
