So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
