1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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