help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just threw up on my dentist
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize