If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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