im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
