Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize