I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Your cock deserves a montage
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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