if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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