well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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