..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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