She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
