i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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