I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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