Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
