I heard we made out
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
