we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
