mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Even my vagina gasped.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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