Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
