i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
