I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
