Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
