1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
