3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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