She said her name was "party"
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
