I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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