Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
