I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
