I just pynch a tree in the face
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
