She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
