Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
