I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guiltš
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said āohh sorryā. Iām still drunk.
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