woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
