Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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