I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
she peed on how many people?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
