weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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