All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Your penis caused this!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
