OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
i am craving dick and cupcakes
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
