So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize