Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
