This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Banned from zoo.
Again?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
