i would punch a child for taco bell
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
