he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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