I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
