2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
