I never want to see another naked old woman again.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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