im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
