i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize