'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
