I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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