Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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