Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
We need a shit load of segways right now
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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