I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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