i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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