gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
