if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
