After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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