how can u be prego again
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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