He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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