It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
