it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
