i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
