Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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