My hand turned me down
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
