the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
