My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
